Loving Lawson Read online

  “I like having you around,” he cut in, exasperation building in his tone. “It’s not that at all.”

  “Then why’d you brush me off?” I asked, my hurt feelings escaping out of me so obviously.

  I willed myself to look at him again, standing straight now in the doorway, his eyes still hard on me. Even feet away I could smell him, and it twisted me how much I liked it, how much it soothed me. He’d probably messed around with a girl earlier and yet I was still yearning his company, and I felt so stupid and disgusted with myself for it.

  “It was because I’d be in the way, isn’t it?” I pressed when he hadn’t answered right away. “You wanted to go off and be with whoever and not have to worry about the young, dumb pregnant girl –”

  “Stop, Allie, that’s not it at all.”

  “Then enlighten me.” My voice cracked and I hated that tears were falling down my cheeks.

  “I didn’t know about your milestone,” he said softly.

  “And if it wasn’t? Would you still have brushed me off?”

  “No.”

  “Were you with a girl?” The question slipped out of me again without thought, driven purely by my emotions. I needed to know.

  I hated his silence. Hated the way it made my chest ache and my breath lighten. God, he really had, hadn’t he? I was angry and disappointed in him. I shot out of me bed and went at him. I pushed him back. He barely budged, watching me intently as I made a fool out of myself trying to remove him from my room. “Just go, Heath. I want to go to bed.”

  He forced my hands away before pulling me to him. His arms went around me, bringing me right back into the position he’d let me go in earlier. His nose touched mine and my breathing stilled.

  “No,” he suddenly whispered down to me, his breaths hitting my face as his nose nuzzled mine.

  I relaxed with relief and my heart squeezed something awful.

  “I was going to, though,” he added contritely.

  “What stopped you?”

  “What do you think?”

  When I didn’t respond, he picked me up and took me to my bed, slowly placing me down. He moved too, resting his body behind mine. I held my breath, wondering what he was doing, until his burning hand touched my shoulder. I felt the heat of him behind me as he wrapped his arm around my middle. I was so taken aback by all of this, but I didn’t let my surprise show. I felt like I moulded perfectly into him, and I loved how good it felt.

  My heart was beating hard in my chest and my mind tried to wrap itself around him touching me like this. When his nose started to trail the back of my neck and shoulder blade, I stopped thinking and my body centred itself on his touch. All I wanted was his mouth back on mine because what I felt when he kissed me was absolutely divine.

  “You’re driving me crazy,” he let out, his voice tight and pained. “All I want to do is be around you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop imagining myself inside of you, kissing you, touching every soft inch of this beautiful skin. I can’t stop, and believe me I’ve tried. But I’d rather torture myself by being around you and knowing I can’t have you than be with some meaningless fuck that won’t touch me on the inside the way you do.”

  His lips skirted along my shoulder, moving up to the curve of my neck. Every inch of me exploded in goose bumps as I relished in the feel of him.

  “Tell me I’m not alone in this,” he muttered desperately.

  I shook my head slightly, trembling now.

  “Say it. Tell me what you feel.”

  I opened my mouth but I couldn’t draw the words out. They sat in my throat, hard as rock, making it harder to even breathe. He gently pulled me, until I was on my back and his face was over mine. His mouth was inches away, his eyes peering into my own, seeking an answer.

  The air felt thick around us. My whole body tightened with anticipation, but I was equally afraid. This was wrong. I knew it right then and there. I was playing with fire. No, we were playing with fire. This couldn’t happen. It would just complicate things in an unsalvageable way, yet my being came alive. I liked the feeling of him being so near. I wanted his touch. I wanted his kiss. I wanted him to keep saying what he felt about me.

  “You’re not alone,” I finally managed out.

  For a while, it was just this: his face over mine, our gazes locked, our mouths parted. So much unspoken words were dangling in the air around us, begging to be said. But we said nothing. Maybe we wanted to pretend this moment was simple and uncomplicated. Just two people who liked each other and wanted more without the baggage of everything else to overshadow it.

  His hand touched the side of my face. He stroked my cheek lightly.

  “Heath,” I breathed, looking down at his lips. I wanted them again. God, I wanted to feel them.

  He was warring with his thoughts. His upper body trembled as he fought to regain control. He shut his eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

  “Fuck it,” he whispered before crashing his mouth against mine.

  Eleven

  Allie

  His kiss was slow, cautious. His soft lips brushed mine over and over again. His hand cupped the side of my face as he pressed his body against the length of me. He covered all of me, burning me with need as I desperately kissed him. I gripped the back of his head, pulling him to me as my lips parted and my tongue darted out to taste him. He opened his mouth and welcomed me in, sliding his tongue between my lips, touching my own. My body hummed with delight at the erotic, languid way he kissed me.

  Oh, my God.

  This felt beyond good. Better than before. My hips rocked up against him, already feeling an ache between my legs. His other hand drifted down my side, cupping my hip tightly. This was escalating fast. When he spread my legs apart and ground against me, I broke free of his mouth and moaned loud and long into the air.

  His jeans were thick, but I could feel the hardened bulge as he ground into me again. He panted against my mouth, gripping my hair with one hand and squeezing harder at my hip with the other. We were overheated and sweaty, the sounds of our quick, heavy breaths taking over every inch of the room.

  My head was spinning with lust. I couldn’t think. I stared up at the dark ceiling as the ache between my legs worsened. The sensations were hitting me hard and fast, and I was helpless to the addictive feel of it.

  His wet kisses trailing down my neck, licking a path to my collarbone.

  The heat of his flesh against mine.

  The feel of his hand moving beneath my shirt, edging along the hem of my lounge pants.

  His soft curses as he continued grinding into me, muttering, “Fuck,” over and over again, causing more moans to fill the air.

  The smell of his sweat and cologne, so unbelievably different to Ryker’s.

  Ryker.

  I shut my eyes tightly as the name put holes in my chest. Heath felt amazing and right touching me like this. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, didn’t want him to see the battle I was having on the inside…

  But I didn’t have to. He licked up my throat, kissed me passionately – draining every bit of himself into it – before he pulled away and stared down at me. He was still trembling, still panting hard against my mouth, and still hard as granite between my legs, but the conflicted look in his eyes probably mirrored mine.

  We knew this was wrong.

  He rubbed his nose against mine, his chest heaving as he whispered, “This can’t happen in Ryker’s room, Allie.”

  I nodded, but my arm moved around the back of his neck, keeping him planted where he was. I didn’t want him to leave, which I had a feeling he was going to do. He was my anchor, and if he wasn’t with me right now I was going to sink. I pressed my mouth against his again, kissing him and loving when he returned it fervently. But the second I lapped my tongue against his lip, he reluctantly pulled away again.

  “Tell me to stop,” he then said, his chest moving faster than ever. “Tell me we can’t do this.”

  What? No, no, no.
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  I blinked back tears. “I can’t say that.”

  “Allie…” he groaned as though he was pained, returning the next kiss I stole from him. His hand travelled the length of me again as he deepened our kiss, shuddering with every moan I made. God, what was I doing to make him so worked up? I didn’t know. I didn’t understand it, but Christ, it made me feel so good and… wanted.

  I was so hot with need, I felt primitive. I just wanted it. God, just give me it! I wanted to beg him not to stop. I wanted to scream for him to give me what we both wanted right now, and even though I was kissing him, swallowing his passion until it was coursing through me, I could still feel his reluctance.

  I whimpered when he broke from the kiss and dropped his head between my neck and shoulder. He shook his head. “Allie, please…”

  “I don’t want you to stop,” I croaked out. My voice sounded like it’d been grated against sandpaper. I couldn’t recognize myself. Who was this girl that just wanted to throw caution to the wind and not care about the consequences? It was the addictive feel of him, I knew. It was the taste of his lips I couldn’t get enough of. A selfish part of me wanted to say it was all his fault for tasting so good!

  “I’m so torn right now,” he whispered. “My body’s splitting in two. Jesus. I want to fuck you until you’re in pieces, but I also want to walk away too.”

  “Don’t walk away.” I didn’t want it to sound like a plea, but it did. Truth was, I needed him. I needed that connection. I needed to break down the void that was silently killing me on the inside with each passing day.

  He groaned, taking a moment to decide. Maybe he was waiting for the need to pass. Maybe I was too. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so lucky. Touching him was making it worse.

  “Be with me,” I whispered, fearing rejection like nothing else before. “Please.”

  Those words were his undoing.

  He kissed me hard; tongue and gentle bites along my lips. I went slack, letting him roam where he wanted, savouring every bit of it as he masterfully touched me. I moaned and breathed harshly when his hand slid down the side of my body and rested between my inner thighs. Not wanting him to stop, I gripped him tight, not once objecting to any of it. I felt like I was completely surrendering myself to him. It made time halt. The world slipped away as he continued to torment me.

  His fingers moved up, drifting lightly over my stomach, pulling my shirt up along the way until they were bunched above my breasts. He pulled away from my mouth and stared down at my plain, white bra. He pulled the cups down, baring my breasts to him. His breathing hitched as he dragged his finger along both nipples, hardening them instantly.

  “Fuck, Allison.”

  Those words were equally turning me on just as much as his touch was. I barely breathed as those fingers continued down my stomach, lightly brushing against the waistband of my lounge pants. My hips pushed off the bed, pressing into his fingers. I stared at his mesmerized face, waiting anxiously for him to continue.

  God, he better fucking continue!

  He licked his lips, glistening them in a way that made me want to lick the moisture off, before he dipped his fingers slowly beneath my pants. My cheeks heated as I felt him roaming along the edges of my core. Was he trying to kill me?

  He gave me another kiss while he slowly touched me closer to where I needed him most. When his fingertips skirted over my slit, I let out a moan and he grunted in response.

  “You’re so wet,” he said in a pained way. “Fuck, you really want this.”

  How could I not?

  I simply nodded as my eyes rolled to the back of my head at the sensations. A burning, tingling feeling travelled through me as he roamed up my slit, circling my clit in a way that drew out more moans.

  Oh, my…

  I was prepared to call him God if he wanted me to. Hell, I’d say he was the devil instead, because these sensations were nothing short of sinful. He was touching me like he knew my body so well already. I never thought it could feel this good.

  As he continued setting the bottom half of my body on fire, he took my nipple into his mouth and sucked lightly. I rested my hand against the back of his head, moving my hips again, encouraging him to keep going. To not stop. Please, never stop.

  “You like that?” he asked, breathing heatedly against my breasts, groaning himself each time I moaned. I didn’t think anything could be this erotic.

  I didn’t know what I was saying exactly. A bunch of unintelligent gibberish coming out in a rush, like, “Don’t stop… God… Heath… Yes, like that…I can’t believe… So good.” I was sure I’d be embarrassed if I wasn’t so turned on.

  I was lost in this world he’d built around us. I never wanted to leave this damn bed.

  “Don’t stop.”

  He didn’t.

  He didn’t bloody stop.

  I’d never had that happen to me.

  I expected him to pull away and ask to be returned the favour.

  He didn’t.

  “Oh, my God.”

  The second he slid his finger inside of me, the orgasm built in record time. One stroke. Two strokes. Three strokes. Four… and I was gone, crying out into the air, drawling out his name as I went. I shook from its intensity and he drowned out my cries with that beautiful mouth of his.

  “Shit, Allison,” he said in bewilderment. “Shit, you’re killing me.”

  I came down from the high, but my want for him was just as strong, if not more. I kissed him again, thanking him silently for the most wonderful orgasm I’d ever had. He pulled back and looked down at me, those hungry eyes darkened with every second that passed.

  “Do you…” he paused and looked about my face, “do you want more, Allison?”

  Allison.

  He’d said my full name in one night more times than I’d ever been called it my whole life.

  He was destroying me, this guy.

  “Yes,” I said straightaway. There was no hesitation. If he detected the slightest hint this entire moment would collapse all around us.

  I wasn’t sure what thoughts lurked inside of him, but the look he was giving me made my heart erupt. It was so warm. So good. Nothing at all like the lusty filled gaze he’d given Tru.

  He kissed me softly. “Okay,” he whispered.

  Then everything happened at once.

  He took my clothes off speedily, surprising me by how unsmooth he was. He tugged my shirt over my head, taking some painful strands of my long hair in the process, then pulled down my shorts and underwear, removing them completely out of one leg but leaving the other leg on like he had no time to spare. The Heath I knew was good at everything he did. He was calm and collected. He was charming and smooth. This one in front of me now was all over the place. One second kissing my lips, the next down my neck and to my breasts, tearing apart my bra like there was a countdown I didn’t know about. I was hot to the touch by the time he began removing his own clothes, and it hardly took a few seconds before he was pressed against me again, this time flesh against flesh.

  He slowed his movements down entirely when he settled between my legs, licking between my opened lips with his warm tongue.

  “I never thought I’d be with you like this,” he said. “I feel like I’m dreaming.”

  “If you are, don’t wake up.”

  “Believe me, I’m not going to… It’ll take a freight train to knock me out of this.”

  I shut my eyes when I felt the hard tip of his erection pushing up and down my folds, and he muttered again how wet I was. How good it felt against the head of his cock. It was like he was teasing me with his length, skimming over my entrance and making me feel emptier than ever.

  “Heath,” I whimpered. “Please…”

  His breaths quickened from my words. He stilled at my entrance and slowly pushed into me, filling me inch after inch with all of him. I gasped at the fullness, at my body stretching for him. He tensed as he pulled out, letting out a sharp hiss.

  “Fucking hell,” he groa
ned. “You’re tight, Allie. Fuck, you feel good.”

  He moved in and out a few times in a painfully slow pace, savouring the feel of it. He cursed as he went, boxing me in with his arms as he tried to keep himself from going faster.

  “It’s been a long time for me,” he muttered after a kiss. “I don’t know how long I can keep holding back.”

  I shook my head against his mouth. “Don’t hold back at all.”

  He moved harder into me and we groaned in unison. God, it felt good. I gripped him tighter as he picked up the pace, stretching me with every sharp, fast thrust. He sent kisses down my neck, licking the hollow of my throat before taking my nipple into his mouth. He sucked it hard again, making my blood rush straight to my breasts. All the while he continued to violently move into me.

  “Please…” I was lost in my pleasure, waiting for the explosion to come and sweep me away. I was desperate for him to give me it.

  I tightened around him, and he growled at the feeling. “Fuck, you’re killing me.”

  He brought his mouth back over mine again and his body immediately slowed, pushing away the crest of pleasure instantly. I dug my nails into his back and tried to get him to speed up again.

  “I’m so close,” I cried out to him.

  “I know. I can feel it.”

  Yet he still didn’t speed up. He looked down at me as he continued his slow thrusts. He swirled his hips against me, and I gasped at the friction triggering a flood of tingles in my core. My body shook as he continued these slow, torturous movements. In, out, swirl of the hips. I cried out, kissing him hungrily as my pleasure built and built.

  “Heath,” I moaned as he thrust harder into me.

  “Let go, Allie,” he growled, rounding his hips into me.

  I did. My body gave out and the second orgasm tore through me. I felt it everywhere. Its intensity had me curling my toes as I rode it out. It was everything I thought it would be with him. And still, I was hungry. I was hungry for him, not just this. He kissed the skin below my ear and picked his movements up. He pounded into me, losing himself as he went on and on. He crushed me with his weight, until my breaths were shallow and I was slick with our sweat.