Loving Lawson Read online

  But I saw her.

  I’d always seen Allie Wallace, the quiet little soul that sat in the far back of every social situation, clutching her textbooks to her chest, or staring starry-eyed at my little brother. And Ryker was equally as smitten. They seemed to complement each other well, always disappearing into their own little zone when they were around each other. I often envied their closeness, wondering how it felt to be so compatible with another person.

  Still. The dickhead pissed it all away. Threw his beautifully odd girlfriend out the window along with his freedom. He knew the fucking risks. He knew the town was getting hot with tension at the level of crime that’d risen the last year with the hard-core gangs taking over the streets. He knew and chose to continue hanging with the wrong people and selling drugs to boot, and as much as I hated to say it, he deserved to be rotting in jail. He needed it, and maybe he’d get out and straighten himself up once and for all.

  “I’m going to pay Ryker a visit soon,” I said, breaking the silence.

  Her eyes widened. “You’re going to tell him?”

  “He deserves to know, Allie. Right?”

  She thought about it for a second, and then she nodded miserably. “I know, but he’s not going to accept my decision.”

  “That’s why I’m going to see him. I’m sure I can talk sense into him. You’re more than welcome to come along.” I didn’t know if she’d visited him yet. Since he got locked away a month ago after he’d pled guilty, I hadn’t crossed paths with Allie.

  “No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I’m still angry at him after everything. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”

  She looked down at her plate, pushing aside her fries with one. I sensed that anger, and I was very curious about what was going on between them.

  “You still with him?” I found myself asking.

  She still wouldn’t look up at me, but her cheeks reddened. “I was angry at him after he got arrested. We had a fight and I… broke up with him.”

  “For real kind of broken up? Or did you just do that out of anger?”

  She squirmed. “I don’t know.”

  “Does he know that?”

  “He said to wait for him.”

  “He must be out of his mind expecting you to wait around for five years.”

  “He said if he’s on good behaviour, he might be out much sooner than that. He promised me he’d turn his life around.”

  “And you believe him?”

  “With his track record for lying, you think I’m stupid enough to believe him? Even after everything, he refuses to admit he was selling. So of course I don’t believe him, but sometimes prison changes people, so I have to think positively.”

  I watched her carefully, trying to grasp her emotions for him after everything. “Still,” I muttered. “That’s a long ass wait, Al, change or no change.”

  She cringed at the name I called her, and she didn’t yet know I did it because of the reaction she gave me every time.

  “You might move on by then,” I added.

  “To be honest, I don’t care if I do,” she replied.

  “No?”

  “Relationships are hard work. The thought of starting over again from scratch with someone else tires me out. I need to focus on this,” she pointed to her belly, “and my school work. Not some guy in prison who hurt me. Not trying to sound harsh, but Ryker messed up things in a way that can’t be fixed with an apology.”

  I nodded. Smart girl. Well, not the getting pregnant part, but everything else. I respected her opinion, was quite impressed she wasn’t like those girls defending their guys when they absolutely fucked up.

  “You had a good fight, by the way,” she then said, finally looking up at me. Her blue eyes brightened a bit and she smiled. “I didn’t think you’d win it.”

  I smirked. “You and everyone else.”

  “Big cut?”

  Remembering the wad of cash in my pocket, I nodded heartily. “Oh, yeah.”

  My income had me barely making it by, but with a fight here and there, the injection of cash was welcome and always brought my debts back down to zero. I’d never lost a fight, and people had no right to have a negative opinion of me the way they did tonight, but then again they’d never seen me up against a guy double my size.

  And I was already a big guy. So that said something.

  She took the plate into the kitchen and rinsed it in the sink. Then she came back and grabbed her backpack. “Where do you want me to crash?”

  I resisted rolling my eyes. “Ryker’s room is still there and ready, Al.”

  Another cringe. I resisted chuckling.

  “Okay, well, I appreciate this very much, Heath. I’ll um… try and be out of your way. I don’t want to be a stress to you –”

  “You’re not going to be a stress,” I interrupted solemnly. “We’re going to get through this. We’ll figure it out, alright?”

  She nodded and blinked back tears. “Yeah.”

  We stood in silence for a few moments; that trademark awkwardness between us grew by the second.

  “Okay, well good night.” She whipped around and left the room, disappearing seconds later into Ryker’s.

  I looked at my untouched food, not feeling one shred of hunger, and settled it down on the kitchen counter.

  “There’s still food left in the kitchen,” I called out to her on my way down the hall.

  “Okay,” she called back.

  Standing in the bathroom, I slowly peeled off the tape around both hands. I flexed my fingers and looked up at the mirror. My whole body was sore. I may have knocked Tank out tonight, but he got a few hits in that were damn impressive. I turned my back to the mirror, spotting the deep red, fist-sized marks along my shoulder blades. Damn, this was going to bruise something awful tomorrow.

  I was used to pain at this point, so it didn’t bother me. Fighting was a good release for me. Kept my aggression levels low and had me grounded in everyday life.

  That and sex.

  I produced the money from my pocket and laid it out on the toilet seat. Hundred dollar bills stacked atop of one another in a thick heap reminded me why I did this. Still, no matter how much of a release it was, I didn’t want to be doing it forever.

  I had a quick shower, all the while wondering how I was going to contribute to this pregnancy. Maybe fight more? I could use any extra income to help, and that way Allie wouldn’t stress so much about money. I could also cut down on other costs: stop the protein shakes because they were fucking expensive, cut out late nights out with the guys, and halting all car projects I had going on the side as a hobby in the car shop.

  I sighed. Lot of cutting out shit, I realized. What the bloody hell would I be doing in my spare time?

  Just as I stepped out, I heard a knock on the front door. Checking the time, I cursed. I’d completely forgotten about Trudy. Without dressing, I hurried to the front door, not wanting to get Allie out of her room in case Tru knocked again. I opened the door and immediately slender arms wrapped around me. Soft lips touched mine as she pushed up against me.

  “Someone had a shower,” she murmured, bathing me with her flowery scent as she slipped her hands down my bare chest to where the towel sat around my hips.

  I pulled back before she could get the towel undone and glanced over my shoulder. “I got company, Tru.”

  She dropped her arms to her sides. “What? You knew this was the only night I could get off work –”

  “I know, but this was unexpected.”

  “What do you mean? Who is it?”

  Before I answered, I ran my eyes over her body. She’d gotten dolled up for this, wearing what she knew would impress me. Tight jeans, low cut top and sexy heels that made her legs look like they went on for fucking miles. I resisted groaning. Tru never disappointed me on the nights we fucked.

  “Heath?” she pressed, raising her brows.

  “Ryker’s girlfriend,” I told her. Well, maybe girlfriend. I didn’t unders
tand the “I don’t know” part so much. If you were being technical, they were broken up, and all they needed to mend that technicality was a simple discussion with one another, one that I was sure Allie wasn’t ready for anytime soon.

  Immediately she frowned. Tru lived a floor below me and was familiar with Ryker. Had met him on several occasions when we’d started our arrangement a couple months back, but she had never been around to see Allie. I kept Tru at a distance when it came to my personal life. I could see the look of disapproval on her face as she waited for me to elaborate.

  “She needed a place to crash,” I told her.

  Now the look could cut through flesh. “Where is she sleeping?”

  “In Ryker’s room.”

  “So what’s the problem then?”

  “We can’t do this tonight.”

  “Why? She’s in her room, and we’ll be in yours.”

  My jaw tightened. How could I focus on her when I knew next door Allie was in bed alone? It wasn’t like before when she was with Ryker in there. I couldn’t share a wall with her and be intimate with Tru at the same time. It felt wrong, which was fucked up because it wasn’t. At all.

  When I didn’t respond, she took a step forward, locking those hazel eyes with mine. Those seductive thin lips curved up as she said, “Come fuck the brains out of me, Heath. I’ve been wanting this for days.”

  I loved a woman who knew what she wanted. None of that insecure bullshit to weigh me down. Tru was all about fun in the moment, a nice little getaway for me twice a week. She was safe. Nothing like the STD walking hookers that begged me for a fuck on the side of the road.

  I was extremely picky with who I put my dick into.

  When she began licking my lips, I felt that deep stir within me grow. After a certain point, there was no stopping it.

  Lust was a bitch.

  She pushed me back and led me to my room.

  Five

  Allie

  Well, until now I’d completely forgotten the walls in this place were damn thin.

  So Heath rejected that girl at the warehouse because he had another thing on the side. I wondered if she was as sexy and bold as she sounded.

  Come fuck the brains out of me, Heath.

  At least she could string two words together properly.

  But jeez, talk about exciting a man. I reflected on Ryker and his constant pressure to be more open sexually. We’d been having sex since I was sixteen. After the first year, he wanted me to be more outgoing. Lingerie and sexy talk were the main kind of things he asked more of, but it freaked me out and made me feel stressed with the pressure to fulfil his wants the way he liked. Didn’t help he was two years older than me and much more experienced, and I constantly felt like I was competing against the women of his past. Because like Heath, Ryker had a long past, which was impressive for his age.

  I heard the bedroom next door shut, proceeded by sounds of kissing. I was sprawled out on Ryker’s double bed, trying very hard not to listen to everything. Shame these places weren’t soundproof. The apartment building itself was pretty derelict and dodgy, but the boys had done the interior well, decorating it with good, simple furniture.

  Two people were being intimate with each other so close to where I lay, and I was surprised by how lonely I felt in that moment. It wasn’t just intimacy I craved. Ryker hadn’t just been my boyfriend, he’d been more like my best friend.

  “I didn’t do it,” he’d told me after he’d gotten arrested. His light brown eyes stared deeply into my own as he held me to him. “Baby, you have to believe me. I fucked up bad by being around the guys, but I didn’t think it’d cost me you. Please don’t leave me. I didn’t actually do it.”

  I wanted to believe him, because I knew if I did then I wouldn’t have to break up with him. After my father died three years ago, he was the only neighbourhood boy that stopped by and made sure I was alright. We were childhood friends, completely comfortable around each other, but the death of my father was pinnacle. It brought us closer and made him really look at me.

  He was out of my league. The Lawson boys were beyond beautiful. So when he asked me out on a date, I nearly fell over with shock. Me? I wasn’t your average looking girl. I was pretty plain. I never cared about hair and make-up. Never tried to impress others by what I wore. I suppose after a childhood of being bullied about my long, thin limbs and ghost-like skin, I’d tried my best to be invisible.

  “Just stop lying to me,” I’d told him sharply. “They found the drugs on you, Ryker. You’ve been caught red-handed. So just fess up!”

  When he’d continued to deny it, my anger exploded at him. I told him that until he told me the truth, I was done. I still meant it. I knew if I went around to see him in prison, he’d probably continue to lie. And if there was one thing I hated the most, it was liars. So I was on my own, essentially. And if he fessed up? Well… I didn’t know. He was now a criminal, like half the guys in Hedley, and that wasn’t an endearing trait to want in your boyfriend. Mostly, I was just angry. Even if I found it in me to forgive his lies and his crime, I was certain my image of him would be forever tarnished.

  And that just made me sad.

  Sighing, I turned on my side and studied his room, at all the things he loved – the boxing posters, life quotes, and pictures of Mohamed Ali. Fighting was a passion him and Heath shared equally. Only Ryker was a watcher, and Heath was the fighter.

  I grabbed the half-empty bottle of cologne from his dresser and removed the lid. I dotted some on my wrist, feeling comforted by the smell of him all around me. It reminded me of all the times he’d stopped what he was doing to be with me.

  I missed him, but I also reminded myself of all the nights he was out, leaving me behind in this very bed. Now I knew for certain he’d been up to no good, and that helped me overcome the missing him part immensely. Replacing it was a bitterness that dug deep in my bones, and I suppose this was the beginning of my road to resenting him.

  Despite the moans next door, my exhaustion caught up to me, and I fell asleep a short while later.

  *

  The problem with pregnancy, I quickly came to realize, was you had to pee. A lot.

  I tossed and turned before the feeling of a full bladder was too hard to ignore. I sat up and rubbed my eyes when the sounds of more moaning rushed into my ears. I sighed and checked the time.

  1:27am

  I’d been asleep for three hours and they were still at it?

  Or maybe this was round two.

  Still. Round two or still finishing round one, that was an impressive feat. One that unfortunately made this a little awkward. The bathroom was at the end of the hall. I had to pass Heath’s room to get to it. And the floor creaked with the sound of a goddamn freight train!

  But my bladder…

  I slowly slipped out of bed and tip toed to the door. I opened it inch by inch until I could slip through. One step, two steps…

  I halted when I saw his bedroom door was half a foot open. I couldn’t see anything from this angle – not that I wanted to – so I continued to tip toe, holding my breath as I passed the doorway and continued down the hall. I was a lot more comfortable on my way there. The girl was proving to be helpful in my endeavour to be unheard. She was loud. Very, very loud.

  “Yes, yes, Heath, oh my God.” Moans. “That’s it. How are you doing that?” Doing what? “Oh, my GOD!” Heavy breaths. “YES! YES! YES!”

  I swallowed a bubble of laughter as I pushed open the bathroom door and entered. I shut it behind me and covered my mouth in case it escaped. Of all the women he brought home, I’d never heard one so loud before.

  “THAT’S IT! THAT’S IT!”

  I quietly did my thing on the toilet, and then I waited for a particular moan/scream to flush it. I washed my hands, splashing some on my overheated cheeks. Another pregnancy thing that sucked: hot flashes.

  I stepped out when I was done and tip toed a few feet before she loudly declared, “Okay, big boy, your turn. Get down
.”

  I stopped for a few moments, waiting for her moans to help drown out the creaks on the worn out hardwood floor. Only she’d stopped entirely. I took a few steps forward, and when the panels beneath my feet groaned again, I froze. To my dismay, I was stuck and directly standing by the opened door where the soft, dim glow of a light from inside gave me a visual on everything.

  I looked away before I could see anything. This was private. This was wrong. Yet the girl wasn’t making any loud noises anymore, and if I moved… well, shit, they’d hear the creak from right outside their room, and what might they think if they saw me?

  Peeping Allie.

  Ugh.

  My life would be over. You couldn’t live past that kind of humiliation.

  I heard more movements, of bodies shifting, and then the sound of heavy breaths. Ones that weren’t coming from the throat of a female. They were harsh and laboured, mixed with a low grunt.

  Heath.

  My cheeks flushed, and of their own volition my eyes shot up and glimpsed into the room. I couldn’t see much of the squealer, but I could see Heath, plain as day, naked and standing in the middle of the room. Christ, the guy was ripped… and sweaty. Even with the dim lighting, I could see the thick veins protruding from his neck and arms. He was peering down at her, transfixed, his hands gripping tight her hair, causing those biceps to bulge incredibly. I scanned his body from head to toe, lingering on his abs and down his happy trail where I saw her head bobbing back and forth.

  I gulped and looked away again. I was sweaty all over. My body was trembling. Why wasn’t I moving? It was probably so loud in there with their breaths, they wouldn’t hear me.

  Yet I was rooted in place, and all I wanted to do was stare at him again. This was messed up.

  My eyes leaped back to the scene, and this time his head was facing the ceiling and his mouth was half opened. There was something so unbelievably taboo seeing a person at the crest of pleasure. They were like cracks in armour. You were seeing a vulnerable side. However even then, Heath was absolutely primal. He looked back down at her, and he wasn’t looking at a person per say, but at a toy he was using. There was nothing but lust in his eyes.