Hawke Read online

  “What about her?” I returned, confused. Holly seemed to be the flavor of the day.

  Shay looked across the room and at Holly. Her green eyes followed her as she smoothly transitioned through the room, respectfully keeping a distance from bikers and at the same time smiling with friendliness at them as she served their drinks.

  “She’s not fitting in,” Shay said. “I just don’t get why the guys like her so much. Do you?”

  I shrugged, prodding harder at the sticker on my beer. “I don’t know, Shay. Don’t even care to be honest.”

  “But do you like her?”

  “I don’t know her that well.”

  “Hector keeps looking at her and I don’t like it.”

  Ah, Hector again, and there it was, the real problem exposed. “Hector looks at every girl with a working vagina.”

  “But he’s staring at her too much. Have they fucked? Do you know anything? Like do you know if they’ve fucked?”

  “You asked that twice in one go.”

  “I know, but it’s obvious, isn’t it? Because I feel like the way he’s staring at her is personal, like he’s seen what she looks like naked. She’s a fucking slut, though, right?”

  “I don’t –”

  “Look at her, making her way around the bar, playing hard to get. I see straight through that bullshit. What do you think?”

  What in the fuck?

  I blinked in surprise at her, wondering what she put in her water recently to make her so…unhinged.

  “Like I said, Shay, I know nothing about her, but I know she hasn’t caused one bit of drama like you are right now.”

  Shay’s eyes went to mine and her brows shot up. It looked all wrong, to be honest. Her brows were so black, obviously the color of her real hair, yet she dyed her real hair so white it gave me an eye ache just staring at it. On top of that, her face was orange and caked with make-up, and it didn’t blend in well with her pale neck. I didn’t get why girls did this.

  “I’m not creating drama,” she said defensively. “I was just asking you a question, Tyler. If you’re on the rag you should let me know ahead of time so I don’t burden you with my drama.”

  “Then consider me on the rag every day of the year,” I countered back, narrowing my eyes at her.

  “That’s not possible, Tyler, you’d bleed to death.”

  “It was a figure of speech.”

  She looked at me queerly. “Why can’t you just be a normal girl?!”

  “Define normal.”

  “Just someone to talk shit with!”

  I shrugged, weakly. “I don’t know why, Shay. I clearly have a problem.”

  “I see that now.”

  “If you’re looking for a pal, consider joining the whores walking around. I’m sure they’ll indulge your love for Hector since you’ve all shared the same bodily fluids with him and you’ll have plenty in common to talk shit about.”

  “While I appreciate your suggestion which is so clearly laced with mockery, I won’t do that, Tyler. I’m nothing like those whores. They don’t care for Hector the way I do.”

  I resisted cringing. Instead, I just stiffened a nod and she moved down the bar, continuing her perpetual glare at Holly before smiling at the nearest guy.

  Shay was in her late twenties. Aside from the brow issue and carrot colored skin, she was a very beautiful woman, but she was also absolutely fucking obsessed with Hector. And with his eyes constantly following Holly all week, I knew it was getting to her on a nuclear level.

  I distanced myself from drama. The second I sniffed it, I was out of there. Girls weren’t easy to get along with for me. They could be your best friend one minute, taking an interest in your life and talking to you twenty-four seven, and then the next minute they used up what they wanted out of you and moved on to other things, leaving you feeling like a piece of used up tissue. I got burned enough to want to escape that mind-fuckery every time I caught a glimpse of it.

  Which was why I was currently working at a car garage as an apprentice motorcycle mechanic. There were no girls there. No bitchy office politics to be had. I was surrounded by guys who told filthy jokes and stared at Playboy magazines during their breaks. It was just what I wanted.

  From the corner of my eye, I saw Holly suddenly rushing to me, her face panicked. My eyes instantly fell to her white top; it was drenched across her chest. Ugh, fuck, here we go again.

  “Serious?” I said, scowling at her chest. “What dickhead spilled that on you?”

  She stopped by my side and just shook her head. “It’s okay, really, but –”

  “You need another shirt, I know,” I cut in.

  This wasn’t the first time. In fact, it happened every time she left Kirk’s table. I glanced at him over my shoulder seated in the far back corner, glaring into his mug. I’d always hated Kirk. Ever since I was a kid he was such an asshole. He once removed the front wheel of my Barbie tricycle so I couldn’t ride around them and then hid it in his toolbox. Dad was so pissed, he ended up kicking him in the balls and forcing him to put my bike back together. And when he did put it back together, the fucking Barbie faces were scratched to shit. Dickhead.

  I never understood why they kept him around. At some point, a person needed to just die already, and he was probably pushing a hundred and was just a miserable old cunt. And he picked on Holly. A lot. For absolutely no reason at all.

  Like before, she followed me down the hall and up the staircase to the second floor. I heard the sound of moaning the second I reached the top and switched my gaze to the living room. It was large enough to accommodate most of us, and it backed on to a kitchen that I spent too much time making tea in.

  On the couch was family man Jonny openly getting a blowjob by some topless chick who wasn’t his wife.

  “Fucking seriously, Jonny?” I growled in disgust. “I watched Harry Potter on that couch just yesterday.”

  Jonny grabbed the couch pillow and hid his dick from view. “Just keep walking, Tyler,” he told me, distractedly.

  I could still see the chick bobbing her head, unconcerned in the slightest I’d just snapped at him. He wasn’t allowed to do this, goddammit. I’d been specific about the living room. Anywhere but that couch, Hector, I’d pushed, and Hector had obliged and made it a rule. None of the other guys disagreed either. That’s why I loved it here; they were willing to compromise, except fucking Jonny.

  I made a disgusted sound and moved down the hallway, ignoring the way Holly’s body stiffened, her eyes stuck to the ground now as she paced beside me.

  “I don’t know how you get used to that,” she whispered to me, grimacing.

  “Honestly, it’s nothing,” I replied.

  It really was nothing. Jeez, I’d seen things as a kid that could make a Pornstar blush. It was just another one of those things that faded to white noise. I quickly grew desensitized to it, not one bone in me perturbed in the slightest. People like Holly, obviously brought up in modest households where you turned away when a couple so much as kissed on television, always found it the hardest to adjust here. I didn’t think she had much time left in her, but her desperation for a job had kept her around longer than I had predicted. Which was impressive.

  “But you’re not like that,” she noted. “You’ve never been with any of the guys...that I know of, anyway.”

  I nodded as we stopped at my room at the very end of the hallway. “Yeah, I don’t fuck where I sleep, Holly. In a place like this, that shit gets complicated.”

  I never wanted the guys here to look at me as an object. So far I’d done well with that. The only biker that was ever into me was Jesse, and he’d tried his moves on me for a long time after I turned eighteen almost three years back, but I had shot him down constantly (was still shooting him down constantly). I didn’t want to be some club wife that got shunned by all the others and put away in some nice little house on the other side of town, only allowed here when there was some familial function going on. That would be like livi
ng Mom’s life, and I hated Mom’s life. All she cared about was her hair and nails and keeping a competitive streak with some Pam bitch down the street who always donned Miu Miu heels and pink diamond earrings some poor cunt had mined in some shitty outback somewhere.

  I opened the door and walked in, moving directly to my dresser. Holly stepped into my bathroom and threw her top off, dabbing the dry part of it on her chest. I pulled out a black top and threw it at her. She caught it mid-air and immediately dressed, covering up her massive boobs. She was an enviably curvy girl with a tiny waist and wide hips, whereas I was more of a beanpole. My hips were soft and small, my breasts a handful at most. What I didn’t make up for in the chest department, I more than compensated in the ass, so it wasn’t all that bad.

  “Thanks, Tyler,” she told me kindly, smiling at me. “You know, you’re one of the few here who has actually been nice to me.”

  I smiled back. “Well, you haven’t given me a reason not to be.”

  Instead of leaving, she just awkwardly stood there, staring at me. I was about to ask her if she needed anything else when she said, “Um…you’re close to Hector, right?”

  I nodded carefully. “Yeah.”

  “He’s been looking at me a lot.”

  “Is that right?” I muttered, glancing over my shoulder and at the door. I really wanted to go. I didn’t want to talk about shit like this. I was awkward, man. And I could sniff drama.

  “I don’t know what to do about it. I feel like if I rebuff him, I might lose my job, and I really need this job, you know?”

  I looked back at her and sighed. “Or you can give in and just fuck him. He’ll leave you alone straight away, I promise.”

  “I don’t want to sleep with him.”

  Wow, I was impressed by how adamant she was by that. This girl was definitely unlike others that came through the door.

  “You can rebuff him, Holly,” I told her. “Honestly, it would be a first, but it would probably be a good chip to his ego.”

  She laughed lightly and nodded. “Yeah, but…he’s the president.”

  “So?”

  “So…I mean, I’ve heard things, right?”

  My face tightened. “If you’ve heard things, you keep that to yourself, Holly.”

  She nodded quickly. “No, I know that, of course. But what I mean is I don’t think he’s the kind of guy that takes rejection well.”

  “You’re right, he doesn’t.”

  “And that’s what I’m scared of.”

  “Holly, he’s not Stalin. Well, I mean, he’s kind of an asshole, and he’s not very kind to people sometimes, but he won’t cut off your head or anything, I promise.” I paused, thinking. “Well, unless you cross him. Really badly. But I don’t see how you could. Unless he takes serious offence to you rejecting him…”

  She went white with shock. Fuck, you suck at this, Tyler.

  “Chin up, you’re fine,” I told her firmly, and then I hurried to the door, needing to escape. “Seriously, Holly, you have nothing to fear, alright? Now let’s go.”

  She left the room with me, her pace slow and indecisive. She wanted reassurance. She wanted me to make her feel better, and I was sure I made her feel worse. I wasn’t good at making people feel better. I found it hard enough to make myself feel better at times.

  We returned to the bar, and she went back to her shift, staring at Hector with a frightened look. Hector wasn’t paying attention to her anymore, or any girl for that matter. He was still talking to Jesse, and at this point, I really couldn’t hold back any longer. I needed to know what was going on.

  I tip-toed to them and casually looked around the room, playing it cool. I stopped a couple feet behind Hector and leaned my head in his direction.

  “Abram’s just doing this because he had a good business relationship with Hawke, man,” Jesse whispered. “Don’t sweat it.”

  “It’s insulting, Jesse,” Hector replied. “How am I going to gain the respect of the club if Hawke’s going to keep coming around here taking care of my responsibilities? He taught me the ropes for the first couple years, but I don’t need his shit anymore.”

  “Look…all I know… is Tyler is a terrible fucking spy, man, and I’m embarrassed for her right now.”

  I tensed as they both turned their heads to me. Jesse grinned and Hector shook his head.

  “You know, Ty,” Jesse said, “if you wanted to be all incognito, you could have just sat in my lap and twirled my hair.”

  “Fuck you, Jesse,” I retorted.

  He cackled. “I love a filthy mouth, Tyler.”

  “I’ll send Regina your way then. I’m sure her mouth’s on the sixth dick tonight.”

  Hector laughed. “Tyler, you shouldn’t curse so much. It looks fucking hilarious coming from you.”

  “Yeah, she’s like a baby unicorn, huh?” Jesse added, biting his lip as he looked me over. “Look at how angry she’s getting, all ferocious and red. I want to squeeze her cheeks.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’ll squeeze your balls if you don’t shut up.”

  “Oooh, baby, please do,” he growled, standing up and moving to me. I was still as a statue, unwilling to move because that was what he wanted. He wanted me to be uncomfortable and pushing him away. He pressed himself against me, surrounding me with the scent of his expensive cologne, and I rolled my eyes as he brushed my hair past my ears. “Fuck, Ty, am I still a no-go for you?” he asked, amusement alive in his voice. “Give me a chance to change your mind, baby. I promise you won’t regret it.”

  I looked into his light blue eyes and bit out, “Yeah, Jesse, give me a chance to bite your dick off and feed it to your asshole. That would make my night.”

  “Kinky girl.” He pulled away, laughing with Hector as he rejoined him. “Tyler’s the best thing about this club, man. Every time I second guess my patch, I think of Ty’s little mouth and how much of a rainbow kitten she is.”

  “Yeah, she’s like one of those fuckin’ ponies Marshall’s daughter plays with talking about harmony and shit. What’re their names?”

  “Fucking Rainbow Draft or some shit.”

  “Dash,” I corrected sharply. “Not Draft, idiot.”

  Jesse winked at me. “You want a dash of my white stuff, sweetheart?”

  I flipped him off and that just made them happier. Ugh. Such assholes. I left them to laugh at me and sat back down on my stool. I grabbed the beer bottle again and continued tearing off the sticker, thinking about the tidbit of information they unknowingly fed me.

  Hawke was coming. He had to be. I felt delicious tingles at the mere thought.

  I may not have messed with the guys here, but Hawke was technically not a part of the club anymore. And that meant he was a territory I could tread upon. God knows I’d always wanted to.

  Yeah, and once upon a time, you made it clear to him you wanted to.

  I cringed when I thought of myself declaring love to him like the fucking teenage idiot I was. Who did things like that?! What was I thinking? Answer was simple: I wasn’t. I’d just been so freaking happy to see him, and so unbelievably terrified of losing him, the words just exploded out of my mouth, and I still regretted that moment deep in my bones. Like…what was I expecting from him? To declare love back to a fifteen-year-old moron?

  Maybe you thought you had a chance with him.

  While Hector was a playboy all throughout the years, Hawke was more reserved. I only ever saw one girl leave his room years and years ago, and she was this pretty blonde thing with legs that went on for miles. I remembered her legs more than her face because I’d watched her put these sexy platform heels on right before she did her walk of shame. She didn’t mind the walk, though. She’d been smiling with this dazzled look in her eye.

  I wanted that dazzled look in my eye.

  I’d never had it. My sex life was abominable in that non-existent kind of way, and I needed a man, goddammit. There were only so many batteries a woman could buy.

  And with Hawke…m
aybe he felt attainable to me. Like there was a chance he’d notice me because of the few women he had taken to bed during the time he’d been here. That could have been different now, of course. Maybe he was slumming it like his brother was.

  The thought depressed me.

  I was about to turn back around to look at Hector and Jesse again when suddenly a chest pressed against my back. I winced at the pain on my just-inked skin just as a mouth touched my ear. “You’re comin’ home with me tonight, Tyler.”

  I glowered, recognizing the voice. Yuri. Fuck, he found me fast, didn’t he?

  “And all your little secrets will be mine.”

  He pulled away and I watched, disgusted, as he sat down next to me, his body turned in my direction. His grey eyes were bloodshot, like he’d sniffed a bit too much coke, and he sniffed like crazy, which confirmed he probably had a while ago. His hair was oily, his face (which would have looked semi-decent if cleaned up) had red splotches along his chin and jawline. Everything about Yuri was slimy, but it was his smile that sickened me the most. It was that self-entitled kind of smile, the kind that said, “I get what I want and there’s nothing you can do about it”.

  I looked away from him and at Hector and Jesse. Giving Yuri notice would only encourage him to continue. My fingers dug at the sticker harder, peeling away clumps until I was grinding my pink nail against the glass.

  “You wanna know the best part?” he continued, yanking the beer from out of my hands and downing a large gulp. Droplets ran down his chin and to the lines of his greasy neck. He slammed the bottle back down and grinned at me. “The best part is you’re gonna have no choice.”

  God, he seemed extra unusual tonight, looking wired and antsy like he needed another hit.

  “What do you say about that?” he asked me, grinning like the creep that he was.

  I didn’t respond for a few reasons.

  One, I would have probably cursed at him and that would have made him angry, and you never wanted to make a semi-sober man from the Russian mob angry.

  Two, I was admittedly unsettled. Nerves ran rampant throughout my body because of how certain he sounded, and he wouldn’t sound so goddamn certain without a reason.